Whose Turn is it Anyway

THE PERFORMERS

So who are the performers? Why, they could be any of these impresarios:

	Matt Bayfield After showing early promise as a radio DJ (he promised to stop playing his own record collection), Matt swapped his dingy studio for the glitz of the stage. Instantly he felt at home, as the lights were so bright, he still couldn’t see his audience. When not performing with the Whose Turn team, Matt has appeared on TV making up questions about Simon & Garfunkel, starred in a low budget re-make of The A-Team, and sung happy birthday to Courtney Love. All these showbiz achievements - yet he still hasn’t been invited on to "Through The Keyhole".
	Erika Benning Erika has performed on the local amateur theatre scene since she was 12 and has since carved out a niche for herself as the best chorus member this side of Newport Pagnell (she lives in Giffard Park, so this is no mean feat). She always manages to pick up the roles other people are too proud to take on, but having lost her pride and the skin from her right-knee in a nasty tricicle accident in 1981 she doesn't seem to notice. Having worked as a radio DJ she is no stranger to the art of making up nonsense on the spot, in fact, ask any of her friends and they attest to the fact that nearly everything she says is complete drivel. Erika considers herself to be mediocre at everything, with the exception of volleyball (at which she sucks) and playing the fool (at which she is slightly above average).
	Paul Blackwell A genuinely warm, funny and likeable fellow, who didn't give me the part I wanted in "Little Shop of Horrors" but I have decided to love anyway. It was a good show, though. If you didn't see it then you should have. He has since redeemed himself by letting me be the Big Bopper in "Buddy".
	Steve Clark Although Steve has been lured out to perform as an improviser on occasions, he prefers his safe compere seat guiding the games and maintaining a weak semblance of order to the proceedings. When not ringing his bell / pressing his buzzer, he performs with other local MK drama groups and at Murder Mystery Dinners.
	Darren James Darren James is a comedy Magician with little acting experience, no musical ability and little talent elsewhere other than making things vanish and finding your chosen card in a shuffled pack. However, he turns up and is good for carrying things. Not having the time to learn scripts or rehearse, doing this sort of stuff seemed like a good idea; little did he know the dedication, hard work and long hours he would have to put in begging David to be part of the team each time.
	Keith Lennox Born in 1542 to a pair of lemurs, Keith grew up to be king of the primates at Woburn Safari Park. This is not actually true, but in the absence of any better biography that's what he's getting!
	David Lovesy Just who is this mysterious shadowy figure? Some call him man of the community, tireless in his efforts to improve the wellbeing of his fellows; Some see him as a crusading loner, bringing comedy into the dark places of sobriety. Personally, I see him as a fat bloke that leaps about the stage shouting obscenities quite loudly and simulating sexual acts with innappropriate objects - and as I'm him, I should know!
	Mark Niel Mark has come a long way since he first stood on a stage. That’s because the stage was in the North-East of England. Frequently mistaken at school for Roland from Grange Hill, life was a bitter-sweet combination of signing autographs and getting beaten up before he found his way into comedy. Mark’s acting roles have included a Panto Dame; a Nightclub Bouncer; a pub rugby player and even a singing elephant! As well as acting, Mark, writes murder mysteries, plays and poetry and also performs as a singer/songwriter. Sophisticated, erudite and multifaceted, Mark can spell these and many other words besides!
	Joy Parker At the age of 15 Joy made a conscious decision, whilst staring at her spotty, spectacled, face in the bathroom mirror, that since it was highly unlikely she would be known for her looks, she would have to be funny instead. She's been the joker in the pack ever since and takes nothing seriously except her drinking. As it is not always possible to be totally hilarious, Joy has painstakingly developed a secret weapon alongside her comic nature - her chest. Permanently armed with a couple of loaded 38's, if she can't make you titter, at least there'll be something to look at.
	Matt Perris Matthew is a truly beautiful man. One minute he's saving the rainforest café, the next he's supporting 'Help the Aged' (he thinks its Pulp's best record to date). Born into aristocracy, Matthew often gave money to the working classes for fun (and he realised it was tax deductible). Now he feels its payback time. In 1997 he released his autobiography "My Life With A Dog" which was critically panned and withdrawn from shelves after just 12 seconds (it later turned out that Matthew had just put his own cover onto Bernie Winter's life story). A keen bloodsports man, Matthew is at his happiest when shooting foxes. And the unemployed. Matthew's favourite curry is a Tarka. It's like a tikka, only 'otter. His favourite swearword is ****.
	Matthew Taylor Matthew slowly and painstakingly evolved the power of speech after many eons spent flapping blindly in the primordial ooze. Once he had mastered speech, he used that gift to trick some legs and arms off a passing amphibian in a crooked word game. From there, it was a short crawl up the burning beach under the Palaeozoic sun to MADCAP, where he hopes to further evolve the power of comedy.
	Brian Two A man whose wit, charm and natural effervesence is only surpassed by his shy and retiring wallflower-like persona. Brian is currently employed as a home help (in that he's helped himself to the contents of many homes).



	"And 30 points to me for coming up with the pun 'Chimp My Ride'" Matt Taylor